Sentimental Summer...

As I started to think about writing a post about today, I realized that I am again feeling sentimental and feeling a need to write about my children. I think the wedding plans and a mixture of emotions that go with that have brought on a lot of memories recently that I haven't had in a long time. When Jon came to talk to us about proposing to Mary Beth almost a year ago, I felt washed with emotion because I knew that day was coming. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out! They had been dating since she was in the tenth grade and she was now in her senior year of college by then. Mary Beth had always set her sights pretty clear in life with her career and plans laid out pretty straight forward. Even though the words had never been spoken, she had worn a "promise" ring for over a year and we all knew it was just a matter of time.
Jon planned a lovely surprise proposal party for her 21st birthday at his home, with everyone there. I think she really was clueless, which for those of you that know Mary Beth would not be surprised about. She really is easy to surprise, innocent as a child which is something we all love about her.
We decided early on in planning the wedding to set priorities, do as much as we could ourselves to cut costs and pay as much as we could as we go so the costs don't hit us at the end. So far so good!
There have been a few glitches, but overall the plans have gone fairly well. She is very organized and with the help of email and cell phones, we have kept in touch almost daily. There have been moments when decisions had to be made that were difficult, like the bridesmaids dresses and then decisions that had to be made that were obvious and that she knew immediately, like her gown. Big sis Rachel has been there to help consult with about those big decisions too, which helps a lot too.

I think it really hit me when I went with my friend to see the movie "Mamma Mia" and Meryl Streep was singing the song about "Slipping through my fingers" which is exactly how it feels. I know she is not going away forever, but things will never be like they are now ever again. I feel like our time together as mother and daughter is quickly running out and I think back about when she was little and how I wish that I had taken more time with her. She is just such a funny little kid, very unpredictable, always keeping us laughing with her little collections of things and funny hats. I hope that I was kind of mother that I wanted to be. It was hard sometimes because of working and for a lot of years, even after Steve and I got married he was working second shift so it was still like being a single parent. Money was tight and often we couldn't do the things that some of the parents did, so you feel guilty about that. I think as women we just feel guilty about everything all the time. We do a lot of things right, but for everything else we feel guilty.

Motherhood is a tricky thing. We invest so much of ourselves into the lives of these little people. They grow up and, if we are lucky, they still like us. I'm awfully lucky to have three kids that think I'm a little wacky, but they love me anyway. They will likely never know or begin to understand the amount of love that has gone into every day since their arrrival on this planet. Probably they won't until they have children of their own....and one of them is just a few weeks away from getting married....that's when they will understand this feeling. Then they will go "oh yeah, I remember mom going through this that summer...." I wonder when this lump in my throat will settle down?