A new list...

stolen from Meredith...

1. What is your name and do you have any nicknames? Marsha Dianne (and please no Marsha Brady jokes) and was called “Priss” by my big brother, “Dee” by my nieces and nephews

2. What color are your socks right now? Black

3. What are you listening to right now? Easy classical on my Ipod dock (thank goodness), sounds of folks cleaning up, stacking chairs in the classrooms and everyone in the get home on a Friday afternoon mode.

4. What was the last thing that you ate? Red beans and rice with turkey smoked sausage. Yummy.

5. Can you drive a stick shift? Oh yes, although trying to teach Rachel how to drive one nearly killed us both. They should teach that in Drivers Ed!

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Steve for his daily update on my life, poor guy.

7. Last place you went on vacation? Santa Fe, New Mexico….aw yes.

8. What Hobbies do you have? Photography, scrapbooking (although it would better be described as a COLLECTOR of scrapbooking things), gardening if the sun will ever come out again, used to play piano.

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? College football – Go Hogs!

10. What is your favorite drink? Unsweetened iced tea or a hot chai latte.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? In junior high I wanted to be a blonde, so I got a spray bottle of “Sun In” and sprayed it on and laid out in the sun. Hours later, I had a tan and carrot orange hair. Oops! Now I dye my hair to hide the gray…although I’m SURE there are only a few sprigs!

12. Favorite food? Bread…any kind on any day.

13. What is the last movie you watched? Avatar –it was much better than I anticipated!

14. Favorite day of the year? Christmas…no doubt.

15. How do you vent anger? Usually by letting off steam to Steve, again poor guy. Sometimes I clean furiously. Sometimes I go into action and then later have a good cry.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child? A beautiful southern belle doll my parents gave me for Christmas one year with long thick curls and a huge flouncy dress. I was so careful with her and had stored her in my bedroom closet. One day while I was in college, my niece Dixie got her down and marked all over her with permanent marker….she liked doing that to the piano keys too. Weird.

17. What is your favorite season? Spring, I think because the days get longer and warmer and everyone starts working in their yards and gardens.

18. Cherries or Blueberries? Blueberries. Love them.

19. What is your occupation right now? Mental Health Therapist with three jobs. Don’t ask.

20. What do you want to be when you grow up? Someone else that can be a stay at home mom, with a housekeeper and money in the bank.

21. What state do you live and what State or Country would you like to live some day? Arkansas and I really can’t imagine living anywhere else on earth. Honestly. Unless all three of my kids leave it.

22. Living arrangements? Husband and an obnoxious cat.

23. Do you have any pets? Mary Beth’s dog, Koko who is very old and Zoie, the obnoxious cat. She’s pretty or we might have already set her free.

24. What is on the floor of your closet? Shoes
25. What are three of your favorite items at the moment? My car (can’t wait for convertible weather), my new house and sleep.

26. What did you do last night? Watched American idol with Steve and ate eggrolls and homemade egg drop soup…not bad.
27. Any news you want to share? We are planning a wedding---yay!!!!!
28. What do you like on your hamburgers? Cheese and mustard, maybe lettuce.
29. Favorite dog breed? Labs
30. Favorite day of the week? Saturday

31. How many states have you lived in? Two—Arkansas and Mississippi

32. Diamonds or pearls? Both thank you.

33. What is your favorite flower? Daisies…the white ones with the big yellow center.

34. Favorite meal you have had at a restaurant and which restaurant was it? I love George’s Restaurant and their open faced roast beef sandwich.

35. What music are you currently listening to? Classical stuff on my Ipod dock.

36. What is one fun thing you are looking forward to in the upcoming year ? A wedding and all of the trips in between to help Rachel and Chris plan it!!

Time to Stop Looking Over My Shoulder

Just a few thoughts this morning about life in general, all of the recent changes that are going on and just basically how I'm doing with it all!
It is some form of cosmic predestination that we often end up in situations that we just never thought we'd find ourselves. I think when I was younger it would have been a better plan to set more short term goals and not try to visualize what my life would be like later on...like now! It seems that they say to "never say never" and that is really a true statement.
Because my blog is a public forum, I continue to be cautious about what I say regarding certain people and even past employment, but I feel compelled to document the impact that all of this has had on my life. Because it has been major. Very.
While my strong will and determined personality have served me well in most situations in life, I have learned (the hard way, of course) that it is also that same trait that makes me determined to find truth and fairness in everything I'm connected with. Some people do not want to find truth and fairness and find anyone doing so to be a threat. I find it quite hilarious to think of myself as a threat to anyone, but when I look back on the last 40 years it seems that some interactions with people have ended because of that. And all the time, I'm determined that things be "right and true and fair" and all of that mumbo jumbo. People don't always want to hear that. For real. I have lost friends over the issues that I felt compelled to have a voice in. I have even lost a job that I loved because I felt the need to be right. As a leader in many positions that I've had over the years, I learned that it makes one an easy target for criticism, some was fair but most of it was not. While I consider myself to be a strong person, I was not blessed with a countenance that can accept criticism blindly and move on. Never have and likely never will. If I could, things would look quite differently today.
So today, I'm going to push aside the anxiety and caution that has taken over my body and soul in recent weeks and begin to try to move forward. I've made a mental list of the people and places that I've "ended badly" with and have decided to quit looking over my shoulder for them, waiting for another bomb to hit. I'm tired of that. And most likely they have moved on.
So I will too. At least one day soon. For now, I will breathe a deep sigh of relief that all that is really important in life is still with me. I felt it this weekend when Mary Beth gave me a special hug and said she was glad to see me doing well. I felt it when Greg came in at an ungodly hour early Sunday and pulled the throw blanket up over me as I slept on the couch, half awake but enough to feel the love of his touch. I felt it when talking on Skype to Rachel and watching her simply glow with excitement over her engagement and wedding plans. I feel it every day when Steve seems to know just when I need a hug and reassurance from him that it will all be okay.
Yes, when looking over my shoulder from now on, these are the only people I want to see.
No more ghosts for me.

Bubbles or Why Do I Bother Cleaning House?

After I got home tonight, I decided to do a bit of housecleaning, which is usually left for the weekend. For some reason, I was having a smidgen of energy and thought I should be productive. Maybe it was the fact that I sat through hours of CPR/First Aid training today and felt that if I could save a life, perhaps I should start by saving my bathtub and study!
First, I have to say that one of my VERY favorite things in our new home is the whirlpool tub. I try to limit my use of it to just a couple of times a week, since it uses enough water to fill a swimming pool! But, when I use it, I usually stay in it until I'm wrinkled to prune size and the water is just above freezing. Nothing like it in the world! I've never lived in a home that had one and I am loving it.
THAT aside, I have to note that it is a nightmare to clean and keep clean! I guess the jets keep soap and stuff in them and so it can get funky. A friend told me that after she cleans hers, she fills it and adds some Clorox bleach to the water and runs the jets for a bit to clean them out. I have done it once before and it really did a good job. So, tonight, I decided it was time to do that again. The photo above is what started happening when I turned the jets on! SO funny! If it hadn't been bleach water, I would have wanted to get in it!!! It didn't do this last time, so I'm guessing there was some lingering soap in the tub or jets that just went crazy!

Steve started making it look like he was going to create something with it as if it were snow.

Of course, our nosy pets had to get in on the action too. Look how grey Koko is getting...even her little paws! Zoie wouldn't stay still long enough for a photo.
By the way, these photos were taken with our Valentine gift to each other...a small, Nikon digital camera to replace my other one that never turned up after the move. This one will fit in Steve's pocket or backpack when he's hiking or whatever and in my purse when we go to ballgames and all. Not bad photos for the price!
And yes, it's after midnight and again I cannot sleep. No rest for the wicked, they say. And of course it's always something....

Middle of an afternoon and I can breathe

Today is my one day a week to work at ACA (Arkansas Counseling Associates). I had training to do all morning, then I found myself free until 3:30 when I will have a client at my practice. ( a pro bono one...don't get excited) I think I am going to need a "keeper" before this is all over to direct me where I'm supposed to be and when!
I actually had time to run a couple of errands. I haven't had much time since the job change. I've been covered up with all other sorts of things. My study is still needing to be unpacked of those last few boxes, considering I added 2-3 to the stack when I moved from the high school last month. Now, I will be having three offices and trying to be sure I have everything where I need it and when is going to be tricky! I also learned that soon I will be traveling some to other preschool sites with Bost to serve some clients there. My trunk will be packed, I imagine!
But today, just today, I am able to take a deep breath. I have been needing to do that for some time now. I'm sitting in the study right now with boxes and stacks of papers needing sorting/filing all over the place, and I feel peaceful. For the first time in several weeks, I feel at peace.
I know it likely won't last long...I know myself THAT well, at least. But I can come back to this moment and know that it is possible. Change is hard for everyone, I understand. For me, it is usually monumental. I've had so many changes over the last few months that this final one almost pushed me over the hill. Well, I know I AM basically over the hill, but you know what I mean! The sun is shining, I'm in the black in my account, have paid the bills and it looks like if I manage things pretty well, maybe I won't get confused about where to be on what day.
And I may even remember to breathe.

Another adventure with Steve

Valentines Day weekend. It was created for people who have someone special in their lives to celebrate...and usually is a source of disappointment for those that don't. I'm not sure who came up with the original idea...I'm sure I could just google it, if I were really interested. The point is that I can usually plan that when such an event occurs, Steve is going to have an idea of something he would like to do. It is usually something that I also enjoy, but occasionally he plans things that I am just not too crazy about.
Please notice the Garmin photo above...a car without a road. That's where we went yesterday! Steve had planned out a course for us to drive up to the Fayetteville/Rogers area but not by the simple I-540 route. Oh no! He wanted to go on some highways that we have never been on! (and after we went there, I came to realize that not many other people had either!!!)
We packed some bottled water, jackets and a few snacks at my insistence because you never know when he gets one of these "plans" exactly where you will wind up!

We started up Highway 59 from Van Buren and he planned for us to turn onto Highway 220. I did not apparently realize that there are highways in Arkansas that are not paved....neither are they covered in gravel....they are basically dirt. And yesterday, following all of the rain and snow we've had, those highways were bottomless pits of mud!!! When we hit that, Steve agreed we should turn around and go a different route. I felt like I was one of the dogs in the book about the incredible journey! We DID, however, find this neat spot where we were able to get out and walk around, take photos and think about what fun kids must have there in the summertime.

Very pretty, calm and peaceful. Other than the fact that we were in the middle of nowhere, it was calm.

Here's a photo of Steve just before I pushed him off the cliff. No, not really.

Poor "Baby" was covered in dirt and mud. You can't really tell by the photo, but she definitely will have to have a cleaning after that trip!
We eventually ended up in Rogers, where we remembered that both of our youngest children were not even in northwest Arkansas for the day. Mary Beth was in Little Rock and Greg in Fort Smith!!! Steve took me to the Texas Cattleman's Restaurant in Rogers where we had a delicious meal of fish and shrimp.
On the way home, we got some delightful news that I won't blog about just yet because I want that person to be able to blog it first!!!
At the end of the day, as we were driving back to Van Buren, Steve laughed and told me his dad used to get just as frustrated with his longing to drive an uncharted route rather than the main roads. He had told him one time while they were in Montana, "Steve, that sign back there says there are bears, black bears, here in this area of the woods and we don't even have a gun with us!" I felt so much better knowing that I wasn't the only one that just likes to go the usual way. It is predictable. But it IS nice to have someone around that likes to add unusual ingredients to his recipes and likes to travel a new way...life is never boring for sure.
Happy Valentines Day, Steve!

Some days just do not deserve repeating...

I'm sure that ALL of my readers will be delighted when my postings become frequent once again, full of their typical sarcasm and wit...dripping with stories of home and work and things that I randomly find humor in. I'm not there yet. Since this is such a public forum, it only goes to say that my life (my work) has been doing the "shuffle" and I have to have a schedule requiring laptop sorting and ordering for me to even know where I go on what day.
Right now I have three office locations. That's right. Three! I'm working four days a week for Bost, Inc that serves those with intellectual disabilities (the term that is replacing mental retardation legally) that are not school age. When I interviewed, I somehow thought that it was going to be with the adult population for which I am familiar and even had many of them while teaching. Recently I learned that I was hired on to take on most of the new preschool referrals. Yikes! What??? I just can't even imagine. I'm hoping that it will involve a lot of parenting skills and family therapy, which I feel like I can manage. They have gone out of their way to be generous and make me feel like I fit. (do I really fit anywhere???)
Job number two is at Arkansas Counseling Associates, where I will be seeing teenagers like I was at the high school. I'm looking forward to that and hope to get that going next week. The problem is that I have to be careful when I plan for that one day each week. I had thought that Thursday would be good, but already there have been two of those that I had to re-schedule because of training that was taking place on Thursdays at Bost. Then ACA tells me that I am required to drive to Warm Springs, AR (almost 7 hours from here!) for a two day training...and I can choose a Mon-Tues OR a Thurs-Fri. So, how do I ask off a day of work from one job to go do training for the other job when I haven't even been around long enough to earn PTO> paid time off. Yikes again!!!
Job number three is my little private practice that I'm working at on 18th street. I moved most of my furniture in there from my office at the school, so it is definitely shaping up. I'm in the process of getting listed on several insurance panels so that I can help clients that have private insurance. My hope is to eventually do that much more, but I'm not sure if I will be ever able to count on it completely.
SO, my life has become extremely scattered. Need I say more? Today was a perfect example of what can go wrong in your life when you begin to let the stress and anxiety get to you.
I had a doctors appointment and following that decided to run through McDonalds to get an unsweetened iced tea (my newest obsession) for $1 before going back out to Bost. I need to back up and explain that my Blackberry phone has been acting up for a while and just last night I had traded it in for a new one by renewing my plan with AT&T....they just love that. I was excited. While sitting in my car and paying for my tea in the drive thru lane, I felt a bump....and realized the car behind me had just bumped into mine. I had to pull up a little in order to get out of my car. I was rattled, of course, but relieved to see that there weren't any marks on "Baby". Yay. I pulled on up, got my tea, and was on my way.
But wait...where's my phone that had been in my lap? I pulled over and searched the car and my purse. Nothing. Oh heavens! It must have fallen out when I got out to check the car. I pulled into my office and called on the LANDLINE to McDonalds. They went out and checked and much to my surprise did not find it. I mean, who would want a brand new Blackberry anyway?
That event seemed to have a domino effect on my day. That's how that works, you know. I lost my keys twice. The last time was when I was trying to go home. The other therapist had to come out and look over my car and she found them under my coat in the back seat!!!
I dropped by Best Buy and got some advice about what to do instead of buying the same phone for $399. He reactivated it and we waited to see what might happen.
Steve and I had already decided it was a good night for carryout pizza. I ordered it on the LANDLINE and then left to go pick it up, following my one client at the private practice that called to reschedule. (had he heard what kind of day his therapist was having??)
When I pulled up to Jim's Razorback Pizza, I reached into my purse to get my wallet to go in and pay. It was vibrating. Yes, it was. I opened it up and there was my cell phone. My new Blackberry sitting about the dollar bills. Apparently when the girl hit my car, I just threw it in and had forgotten all about it.
I came home and fell into a hot whirlpool bath and soaked until I was one huge prune. Put on my comfy, flannel jammies that just scream with sex appeal, ate my pizza like I was going into hibernation, and snuggled in on the couch with Steve to have some laughs at Modern Family and American Idol.
And so now...you get the post. Maybe I'm working my way out of this funk.
It's always something, you know.