My date with Garth Brooks

The week before Christmas is always a busy and challenging one for all of us.  It was particularly so for me this season having just recovered from knee surgery, a wedding reception and trying to get Christmas shopping done!  Working around the crutches proved much more difficult than I ever imagined, but I was fortunate enough to get to walk free of them the Monday before Christmas!

Steve and I had gotten tickets to see Garth Brooks in Nashville as he worked to raise funds for the flood relief there.  Trisha Yearwood, his wife, joined him for a few songs.  I think if she had not shown up, he would likely have asked me to join him on stage.  I got to meet him several years ago at Southside and had my photo made with him.  If I can find that later (running a search on my old laptop) I will add it to this post.  It's been a long standing joke between Steve and I that he would let me leave him for Garth if I would just mail him a check every now and then.  Funny.

I should explain this next photo....when we went outside at my parent's home (in the country) to leave for dinner, there was an opossum in the carport.  And yes, he played "possum" in hopes that we just wouldn't see him.  I can't say that I've ever seen one of these things alive so close!

 My Dad loves to put up Christmas lights outdoors.  It's really a funny thing too because he doesn't even care if they put up a tree indoors or not.  But--those outdoor lights will go up!  He's 85 and still gets them out there every year stringing around those blasted pine trees that I grew up mowing around.  He also lines the front of the house with lights.  Very pretty!

 A quick photo of Mom and Dad at Mike's Steakhouse.  Yummy food and a good visit too!

 Stanley Bennett lived about a mile from our home when I was growing up.  His younger sister was just about my best friend when I was young.  He worked on the farm for my Dad for what seemed to be forever to me, but apparently it was just for a short time!  We both have changed a bit since then, I think.

We left on Tuesday afternoon and traveled to Wynne to spend the night with my parents, go out for steak and see some old friends.  It was great.  

We had reservations close to the Arena near Vanderbilt University at a Holiday Inn.  It was very nice and offered a free shuttle to and from the concert.  The problem was that most of the folks staying there seemed to be going where we were that night!  We had delicious Italian food at Amerigo's Restaurant and as we left there, I turned down a one way street the wrong way.  Oh well.

I had something really smashing to wear, but it was cold as blazes so we both went for warmth and were very glad that we did!

 Nine straight days of two concerts each night.  Packed every night.  Not sure how he did it!

 The problem was that as the first concert full of 18,500 people were trying to leave from the 6pm show, that SAME amount of folks were trying to go in!  Talk about a near-riot situation!!!

We returned home on Wednesday night to find that Greg had indeed kept Koko and Zoie alive....even though I think he really wanted to open the door and let Zoie just leave..haha.   Steve shopped for groceries the next day while I went into full gift wrapping mode, while watching Christmas movies.  Fun!!!  

Time for the Ho Ho Ho

It seems that Christmas week is here.  Talk about a month flying by like none other!  I can see now how making plans for a December reception kept us all so busy that we didn't even notice that half of December was about over!

I tried to get out this weekend to do some shopping but with the crutches found it absolutely exhausting.  I'm so tired of dealing with them...until I realize and remember that some people deal with them daily...for the rest of their lives.  Then I'm able to get out of my little pity party and move on.  We came home and got on the internet to finish things up.  We both agreed to start earlier next year and do it all online.  Really!  With free shipping and often no sales tax, you can really save some money.  I realized, however, that Steve shops online just like he does in the stores....he has to see everything in EVERY store before he can make his purchase....often going back to the thing he saw first.  You got to love him!  He's my gift wrapper and I'm the bow maker.  It's a good partnership.

On a side note, after 19 years after my divorce from Bill, we finally exchanged Christmas cards with he and Sherry this year.  That's quite a milestone, I think.  More than an olive branch...it's about a tree!

Guess I'm feeling sentimental today.  Most folks are not in the office, since we have the next four days off, so it is unusually quiet.  I could be getting so much work done, yet you see what I'm doing!  Mailed my package to Chris and Rachel this morning, hoping it gets to them before Christmas.  It was a bit hard to do, I admit.

Christmas cards also go in the mail today.  We tried to cut the list down this year, but ended up adding others so the list is about the same!  I love them.  I decided to send them to most of my clients at my practice for this year.  I hope they appreciate that effort.

Steve and I leave at noon tomorrow for Wynne to spend the night with my parents.  Then we are off the next day for Nashville to do some shopping and seeing a Garth Brooks concert.  I'm sure Garth will be calling me up on stage, so I got a mani/pedi this weekend.  haha.  I've never seen him in concert, so I'm looking forward to it.  We will get back just in time for Christmas Eve.  Greg is going to house-sit for us.  Then Mary Beth and Jon and two of my grand-puppies will be coming in on Christmas Eve.  We are planning to go to the Candlelight Service at the New Life Church that we have started attending.  

We are also planning to bring my computer into the family room and Skype with Rachel and Chris on Christmas morning--so we will be bringing them into the room with us for gifts opening and all!  

Will take photos and add them from our trip this week.  Until then, enjoy the holiday!

Surviving crutches and having a weekend to be excited about!

This is one of my favorite photos from the trip to Marco Island for Rachel and Chris' wedding.  It was the day after the wedding at the home of some friends there on the island.  Happy is the one word I think about when I see it.

As I've been preparing for this weekend's reception in Fort Smith, I have had some time to think about why we do the things we do.  I have been slowed to a turtle's pace with the knee surgery, canes, crutches and physical therapy.  For Heaven's sake, I have even ridden on one of those motorized things for the elderly at the stores!  Yes, that was me you saw scooting across Wal-Mart the other day!  I have been driven to doing things I thought I would never do!

Yet, in all of the craziness that is so often my life, I have had moments of real joy and clarity.  I have found that when you love people you do what you do and overlook the rest.  It is strange to have my children growing up and becoming so independent that they don't need me to make decisions for them like they once did.  I worry less about them.  Maybe that's a bad thing.  But, I think it is just that I have had the chance to think about what great children they are....or adults, I should say....and that even in the face of mistakes, they will survive.  I have helped to give them those skills.  They've had to take the good genes with the bad.  There have been a lot of wonderful people surrounding them physically and prayerfully all of their lives.  Many of those people joined us for Rachel's wedding and many others will be at the reception Saturday.  It will be a happy occasion.  It is a celebration of how Rachel and Chris came together and have become a family.  It is wonderful to watch love.

And they are loved.  Now I have five children...all loved.  My love for them may sometimes seem odd and old fashioned, out of date and silly.  But it is love for sure.  I never would have thought I was capable of so much of it.  But here we are.  With busy days ahead until Saturday, I want to soak it in and enjoy every minute of it.  

This year has been a bumpy one for me personally, beginning with January 17th when I found out that the job I loved and depended on for financial security would no longer be mine.  I have rocked and rolled through one of the wildest rides of my life, even having never been on a roller coaster in my life!   It looks like it is going to end well.  

And for anyone, that's really all that matters.

Details Now...

Tonight I can't sleep again.  It seems to be a vicious cycle these days of taking pain medicine, crashing and then waking and being unable to sleep when everyone else in the house is sleeping.  Even Zoie snores now...which I find slightly irritating.  She gets to eat and sleep all day.  I will definitely come back in my next life as her.  We have had a tiny mouse in the house over the weekend and I don't think she had a clue what to do about it.  She was AWARE of it, but it ended with that.
I stayed home form work today to try to get myself pulled together and get some work done at home.  I am fortunate to work for a company that tries to work with its employees if they are trying to get their work done.  And I am definitely trying to do that!
Everyone has made it back safely to their homes:  Rachel from California, Mary Beth from New York City and Greg from Nashville.  I made it from the couch to the computer this week.  haha.  They always seem to love to go so much and I can't blame them.  They will all have funny tales to share with us when we get together in just a bit over a week now for Rachel and Chris' Arkansas Reception.
I still have some arrangements to make and actually DID try to take care of some of that by phone today, but apparently most of the civilized world is closed on Mondays after Thanksgiving.  Will try again tomorrow.  I hope we have a good turnout.  You never know about these things.  I'm sure there will be a ton of folks that show up and haven't returned their RSVP card.  I've been guilty of that in the past but not since I've had daughters getting married!
Steve's 91 year old mom is flying from Peoria, IL for the event and is feeling apprehensive with so much in the news about the scanning and all.  I copied (in large print) several things tonight and will mail them tomorrow that will hopefully make her feel better.  I also arranged for a wheelchair to be at each arrival to take her to her next gate to save her from walking so much.  That makes me feel better at least.
Steve has been doing most of the decorating for Christmas.  I think he is hiding boxes in the attic and not mentioning them because he knows I can't get up there this year to dig things out!  haha!
It will be wonderful if no one but our immediate families show up.  It is a busy time of year but I think there will be many people that will be able to come celebrate the wedding of these two.
Hoping I'm off my crutches by then...may be hard to boogie with crutches!

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat!

As I lay on the couch most of the weekend, with my sore knee hanging on the back of the couch to reduce the God-awful swelling, I had some time to think about the holidays coming up.  Hard to imagine that in just 3 weeks, we will be having Rachel and Chris' Arkansas Wedding Reception!  I hope everyone that wants to be there can be.  Things are coming together, but I haven't really felt like doing what I would normally be doing at this point.  Not even sure what that is, but it just seems like getting the invitations out was so HUGE and now I'm taking a breath!

It has been fun seeing the RSVP card return, some with fun notes on them.  Rachel was surprised the other day to go to Crate and Barrel to pick up some of the things on her registry, only to discover that they had recently been purchased as gifts and would be delivered soon!  Surprises are just so much fun.  I've always loved them and it seems that my girls love them as much as I do.

Steve has been a saint this weekend, getting out the Christmas decorations and putting out the lights on the shrubs outdoors.  We keep going back and forth about what decorations to use and which ones to leave in the attic.  Quite frankly, I would use every stinking thing I own if it were left up to me!  Yes, I have WAY too many Christmas decorations, but it has always been my very favorite time of the year so I have a hard time saying no to new decorations and all.  It was REALLY bad when I worked at Michaels, where I had first dibs on all sale items.  There are some things I will never have to replace in my lifetime!!!

Christmas will be different this year, but I am determined to keep it positive!  With the 6 day visit around the reception, Chris and Rachel won't be able to return for the actual Christmas holiday.  It makes sense, of course, but it is just one more of those things I hate about the miles between uas.  I think Steve and I decided today that we are going to wait and ship their gifts to them instead of having them open them when they are here...we just like the idea of them getting up on Christmas morning and having gifts to open from us!  They are all growing up on me and I know times are changing.  So, we are just going to adjust, be happy for the times we have together and make those visits meaningful.  

No bah, humbug for me this year!  I plan to embrace the holiday and breathe it in and enjoy it all!  Even though I need to go on a diet to lose this "sitting all the time to nurse my knee and therefore not getting any exercise at all and THEREFORE putting on weight" kind of thing going on here.  When something is pretty much out of our hands, it is just out of our hands.  So I will nurse my knee and pray for the days when Steve and I can again walk our neighborhood for exercise.  I really thought the pain would be reduced after surgery, but the recovery part is painful too I'm learning!!!!

So, turn up the Christmas music and put up the decorations...let the season begin!  I'm ready for it!!!

The Universe.

Sometimes I become aware of things around me that are not just incidental...but seem to happen with reason.

I subscribe to a daily little "picker upper" that Rachel turned me on to a while back @ www.tut.com.   It refers to itself as The Universe and gives you a bit of inspiration for the day ahead.  

Sometimes it comes into my inbox and I wonder what in the world it means.  Other times, I wonder if Big Brother is really watching over my shoulder and seems to know me a little too well!

Today was one of those mornings.  At 3am (yes, I was once again awake), this is the message:

"Well, actually, Dianne, you were different.

You didn't want a perfect life, a typical life, or even a normal life.

You wanted a one-of-a-kind."

And that is the truth!!!   So, where are the spy cameras, I'm wondering!!!  There are times when I have wished that my life looked more like someone else's life, but most of the time I'm very happy with my one-of-a-kind family, one-of-a-kind personality, one-of-a-kind history.....well, you get the picture.  

Thank you Universe for bringing that to my attention!

In the middle of the night...

Once again I've been up since around 3:00 am.  I've always had issues with sleeping through the night, but since the "knee" incident, it has been worse than ever. 

Funny what you think about at this hour of the morning.  I have never been a morning person and I seriously doubt that is about to change at this point in my life.  I have started recording some things that I can watch in the middle of the night that may/may not help me fall back asleep.  Shows such as "Dancing with the Stars" has proven to be a real snoozer. You wouldn't think so with all of the music and all...but it is.  I watch a lot of "Lifetime" type of movies.  I LOVE the Netflix instant viewing that is available.  Many good movies and television series are on there to chose from.  I've discovered many shows that were often cancelled after just one season.  Many af them are delightful!  Not at all what you might think.

I love walking through the house when everyone, including Zoie and Koko, are asleep. Zoie has started snoring recently...too funny.  It is so peaceful here. With the house on the market now, I try to not get sentimental about it.  You'd think that would be easy since we have only lived here one year. I think it is just that SO much has happened in that one year!  

All of these random thoughts could be linked to the pain medication they have given me since my knee surgery last Thursday.  I have wondered what the big fuss has been over the medication, Oxycodone, because it has really not proven to be much of a relief for pain.  But it dulls it some so I take it.  

Life is good right now.  Even with the knee problem and all.  I am trying to take deep breaths and soak it in.  I may need those good thoughts to get through tomorrow!

And so it goes...

Early morning and I'm ready to go in for my knee surgery.  

Been through many surgeries before for various body parts, but never a knee.

Dread the search with the IV needle for that "perfect" vein that doesn't roll.  ugh.

Leaving the house without makeup...that doesn't happen often for sure.

Steve cooked himself breakfast without thinking how good it smells to me.  And of course, I can't eat a thing.  Grounds for divorce, maybe?  Bless his heart...

Tying up loose ends as if I'm never returning.  But I am.  

These loose ends will be here tomorrow.

Deep breath and off we go...

I've been through this before and I will make it today.

Catching up...

 Why I feel compelled to put dot, dot, dot after lots that I write, especially titles of blogs, I don't know.  If I ever figure it out, I will let you know.  I have some catching up to do from the last few months so I thought I should get started.  I am having my knee surgery in the morning and when I get anxious, I often decide to do all of those things that I have "meant" to do recently.  

These photos are of the Alabama vs. Arkansas game in Fayetteville.  Bryan Grizzle and Greg decided to hang out with us that day and tailgate.  They got there super early to save us a terrific spot.   Looked like we were going to win this game against the number one team, but they pulled a win over on us at the end.  I went to Jon and Mary Beth's tailgate spot to watch the game on the tv they had going.  The knee just wasn't ready to sit in the bent position for several hours!  Torn miniscus...bummer.  See, there they go again!

Bryan Grizzle and Greg got up extra early to save us a tailgating spot the morning of the Alabama game.  So much fun!  Of course, I was already packing my leg on ice because of the swelling.  Ugh...will all be over soon!

The last of our children going to school at the University of Arkansas.  Greg is in his first semester of graduate school.    Hard to believe how grown up he is!

Relaxing with Bryan while we wait for lunch to cook on the grill.  I feel like he is one of mine, actually.  He's been a part of Greg's buddy list since they were in elementary school.

Steve, the cook, and head Razorback fan!

Three of my favorite boys sharing a laugh before the game.

The Goodyear blimp even showed up for the Alabama game that day.

Only for those with a strong stomach...

It had been a quiet evening in the Baer household.  I got home from work around 6:45 after a pretty busy, but good day.  Steve had made supper of grilled shrimp and rice.  Man, it was yummy!!!

Our favorite thing to do after we clean up the kitchen is to watch some television shows that we have recorded on the DVR.  Of course, I have my favorites that I save until the middle of the night when I get up and can't go back to sleep.  Nothing will put you back to sleep like Dancing With the Stars....believe me!  I don't know what it is about that show, but I am usually out in minutes!  

We watched Survivor together on the couch with Koko in her favorite spot on the floor at our feet.  It was turning out to be a great night.  I had planned to go work a bit on files when Steve said he thought he might get a snack..."something sweet" as he says.  Well, of course, I was up for that!!!  He suggested we open one of our favorites, which is this brand of Kettlecorn.  Ask anyone you know....I can rarely walk past popcorn or kettlecorn ANYWHERE without having some of it.  I admire people that can go to movies without buying some.  Wish I could, but alas I can't.    I grabbed a Diet Dr. Pepper and used scissors to open the bag just a little and we settled back on the couch.

Modern Family was up next.  We love that show!  We were laughing and enjoying the show.

As we began to eat, I noticed two times that I felt like I had gotten a hair on my mouth.  You know how your fingers get sticky with kettlecorn, so I thought it was just another thing that I had done and not noticed.  Then Steve asked me if I had gotten any hair on my mouth while eating the kettlecorn....as he was holding up a piece that was like two popped kernels stuck together.

I hopped up and turned on the overhead light and we saw THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right folks....hair.  And it is so obviously NOT my brown hair (well, the brown hair from the bottle) and Steve doesn't have much hair, so I know it isn't his!  It was a new bag so it didn't come from our house.  

We nearly died.  Both of us.  Gag.  That will teach us to watch tv with the lights off.

And yes, I've already emailed the company.

End of story.....cause you know it's always something.

There's some weird folks out there, kid!

Two postings in a row...that has to be a recent record for me!  I hope to add photos soon...once again.  I need to change my photos over to my new computer.  I went with a Mac All In One this time.  It is amazing.  Just as I've heard.  I love the giant screen on my desk, considering how I can't find my way out of a hallway without my glasses any longer.  

So, I've made a renewed vow to get back to writing on my blog.  It really IS good therapy.  I think I should be doing what I tell my patients to do, don't you?  This is totally unrelated, but I heard an excellent quote from a young woman tonight in therapy when talking about being in a relationship that is not good for you.  She said "He tells me wonderful things that I like to hear about myself....like I'm pretty, I smell good, I dance good, your clothes fit you great....so WHY can't I just tell those things to myself?   I thought that was absolutely AWESOME!!!!  

I was really having another pretty good day today.  That is, until late this afternoon when I got a call from the secretary at the private practice.  She had a patient in the office who said he had an appt with me.  I double checked my book and I didn't have anything at that time.  I had never heard of his name.  She put him on the phone with me and I asked him what he thought he needed.  He told me he had spoken to me this morning (he had not) and he needed to see me because he wanted to know what happens when someone dies....like their "body from the casket to where"?  He continued to ramble on and sounded more and more "out there".  He sounded either on something or in desperate need of some help.  I just felt that I needed to get him out of the office...and that was difficult to do since I was completely across town!   I suggested that he check about his insurance and call me back.  He told me he didn't go to any church, after I suggested he might want to speak to his pastor.  After he hung up I called the police to check on things.  I found out later that he didn't leave immediately but finally left on his own before the police arrived.  They took his description and we don't know what happened after that.

Left all of us with a very uneasy feeling.  Reminds us to be more cautious...an office with three women, two that stay after dark most nights.  In downtown Fort Smith, no less.  

So, when you get that creepy feeling on the back of your neck you listen.  Thank goodness it all ended well today, but things happen.  And it is just a good reminder that we are only human and need to wake up and be aware of what is going on around us.

It's always something!!!

Today was a good, good day

You know how you almost hate to say anything when things are going well or you feel good or something like that? Today was one of those good days. For real. I made sure that I told Steve and my children that it was. I feel like that is important since I spend so much of my waking life complaining and griping about this and that.

Way too much this and that.

It's kind of funny really. I spend my work days now analyzing, diagnosing, looking into feelings and emotions that have an impact on the lives of my clients. And yet, I rarely seem to take time to do it myself. Maybe I just don't want to.

So, as I was driving home this afternoon (before dark for the first time in weeks) I thought about what a good day it had been and wondered why.

Was it that I actually slept all night last night?

Was it that I feel myself getting caught up with paperwork?

Is it because last Friday was pay day and I can quit holding my breath after "wedding month"?

Is it that my children are all happy and healthy? For that matter, is it that my entire family is healthier than me right now? (that includes my parents that are both in their 80's)

Is it that I just had a relaxing weekend with Steve, nursing my leg and actually having moments free of pain?

Was it that I was able to get myself more organized today than I've been in weeks?

Who knows? It just was. I embrace it, love it and wish for a return very soon.

Checking my list...

Today I began working on the slideshow for Rachel and Chris' rehearsal dinner/welcome party to be held in just a bit over two weeks in Marco Island, Florida.
This part of my "to do" list is one of the most fun....gathering their photos from childhood through when they met and their days together. In the background, I've been listening to Don Henley's recording of My Wedding Day. So good. Yes, I've had a few happy tears today.
I can't believe that the wedding is just around the corner. So happy to be able to do my part to make it come together. How fortunate and blessed we are to not only have her as a daughter, but to now be adding Chris to our family.

An Unexpected Pleasure

Just got in tonight from a state meeting for the counseling board I'm on in Little Rock. I have to admit that I have dreaded the meeting all week....just the drive down there and the often typical bickering over senseless, specific issues just makes me crazy!
It rained like we all needed to be getting our ticket for the Ark on the way down there. So, I have to say, I was not in a terrific mood on arrival. My leg is still in this uncomfortable brace and we had stayed out later than usual last night so I was tired. But, fortunately, the meeting moved along quickly and the disagreements and strict adherence to parliamentary procedure was relaxed...well, a bit anyway.
I decided to give my folks a call when we took a break at lunch. They didn't have anything going this afternoon and we decided to meet in Conway at one of their favorite restaurants, Cracker Barrel. It just happened that we timed our arrival just right and I drove in to see my Dad driving in his brand new, bright red pickup truck. It made me happy. No joke.
Mom and I wandered around in the store portion, of course, looking at the new display of Christmas decorations and all that we would buy if we had tons of money. It was just a relaxed, special time with them. My Dad, of course, cracked sarcastic remarks about "poor Steve" at home today and actually paid for me to order him a meal to take home to him because "I KNOW the poor boy won't get anything to eat if I don't." It warms my heart to hear him taking up for Steve like this because it tells me how much he really does care about him.
Another surprise was that my Mom had on a pretty RED top and on a game day, no less! My Mom has never worn red, to my knowledge and it is my favorite color. Of course she didn't know or care that the Razorbacks were playing today in Little Rock, but I got to tease her anyway that they were probably heading over to the game after we finished eating.
The trip home would have been listed as uneventful except for the fact that it was a BEAUTIFUL evening and I put the top down on the convertible (yes, I know it is hard to believe), cranked up my music in between listening to some of the Hogs Game...and off I went. It was heavenly. I have some of my clearest thinking moments when I'm driving like that.
So for a day that looked to totally suck....it turned out to be so great!!!

I rattle when I walk...

Well, it is official now that I rattle when I walk. I think it is with or without this medication that is helping me too. I have been dealing with hip pain like a 90 year old woman (no comments, please) for several years and about a year ago Dr. Jones, the orthopedic surgeon, sent me to a neurosurgeon. Dr. Capoceli was delightful and seems to be one of those really smart guys, like Jones, who appears to have been at the top of his graduating class. My Dad has always said that we forget that half of all doctors were in the BOTTOM half of their class. Anyway....after numerous tests, scans and xrays, Capocelli determined I had peripheral neuropathy.
I've read quite a bit about it, but wasn't exactly sure where I fit in it all. He prescribed Neurontin and told me to keep taking the anti-inflamatory stuff too. And I have.
My hips recovered fairly fast. I couldn't believe it. But then I put it together that the likely source of my INCREDIBLE fatigue was the new medicine....that helped me walk!
The doctor suggested I take it all at night. And I do. And wake up in the morning as if I am in the middle of an Ambian episode of sleepwalking. ugh. It's terrible!
I remember finding it funny when I was growing up that my Grandmother Brown brought a little overnight case with her whenever she was spending the night that carried nothing but her MEDICATION! And now I'm her!!!! Only problem was that she was in her 70's!!
Hips are better. Definitely. But, not to be outdone just over the last month my left leg and left elbow have started hurting as much as my hip joints ever did! So why isn't the same medicine working, you might ask? I don't have any idea! I just keep limping around and wearing an elbow brace intended for tennis elbow. Not helping, but it excuses me for being so messed up. I still LOOK messed up however. Really messed up.
You don't realize how many things are OUTSIDE of the driver's window until you can't use much of your left arm...bank teller's windows, drive thrus, just to name a few.
This blog tonight isn't mean to be a pity party. Honestly.
I just thought people should have an explanation for that rattling noise they hear whenever I come around.

A Good Week

Sometimes birthday weeks are not all they are cracked up to be. I remember all of the excitement when I was growing up. It was usually VERY hot (like now) and my father and brothers were usually in the field. It was "back in the day" when schools didn't open until after Labor Day. Imagine that!
I had two bigger than just my family birthdays growing up. When I turned seven, we had a big party with just about everyone from birth through age ten and their mothers attending. That was "back in the day" when mothers stayed with their children during parties because it was also a social gathering for all of them. We had an obnoxious Shetland pony named "Nautical", whose name I am not responsible for, that my Dad led the children that wanted a ride on one. We have old movie footage of this day. It was likely the reason it was six more years before I had another one!
When I turned 13, we had just built the home my parents live in now. It was built directly behind their old house. Like many families, it was just a shame that we hadn't had all of that room years before! We moved in on July that year (1969) and my parents agreed that I could host a sleepover for my birthday. Woohoo! We literally had girls from one end of the house to the other. The house has an intercom system and we had a lot of fun with that for sure! There were enough girls for drama, which is good for a bunch of 13 year olds...almost necessary I suppose. We had Ro-tel dip and home made cookies, along with hamburgers and hot dogs for everyone. My mother made a big breakfast for us the next morning. Good memories for sure. This must have been during a brief period when my photography skills were waning because I don't think there are any photos of that party.
This week at work was great because we had a blackout week where the therapists all work to get caught up on paperwork. I worked really hard and got caught up on MOST of mine...you know me. That was a great feeling.
Wednesday night, Connie came over with a great card and gift. We got to visit some before she went home to pack for Florida...her Beth is having a baby in just a few weeks.
Thursday I worked at my practice, with most everyone showing up. I treated myself to lunch at George's Restaurant. When I got home after work, Steve took me out to dinner and gave a gorgeous card and some well thought out goodies, which I loved.
I had asked my three this year to write me a letter. I think Connie thought that was a bit morbid, but I just wanted to hear their best memories....that hopefully included me....from growing up. They all three came through and each one brought me to tears. How wonderful and special those letters are and are better than any gift they could have bought. It's funny what they remember that I have forgotten. Or maybe that's not so odd after all.
Saturday night we had some folks over for a cookout. Steve cooked a huge pork butt on the grill all day, while I made the "fixins" and appetizers. It was originally supposed to be for the people in my department and their special other, but there were too many conflicts this weekend I think so we had two couples there. Greg was in town so he ate with us too. I haven't ever seen a college student that would turn down a meal! Betsy and Ed, along with Deborah and Keith joined us. We got to know each other a little better and enjoyed the company so much. We should do this more often.
The other good thing is that our house was clean and laundry done....so Sunday was a breeze.

Friends

I wanted to just write a bit tonight about the importance of friends in my life. I have always considered myself a people person, just like my dad, but I think that I just thought that everyone else was too. That was until a few years ago.
To find one close friend in your lifetime is amazing. Also important and so valuable to our well-being on a daily basis would be the other kind of friends. That would be the ones that you see more frequently, sometimes daily, and when you are with them, you laugh and talk as if you had never stopped. I have friends like that. Friends that I made when I was teaching or working with Special Olympics. You share a common sense of humor and some common values or experiences and before you know it, you have friends. Some people I know have joked that I could talk to a wall, and that is likely true. The older I get, the more comfortable I become in my own skin...whether it is stretched over too much weight or aching from various "old woman" pains. It is easier now for me to just be "me" than at any other time in my life.

I think the best friends are the ones that you can count on when you need a friend the most....sometimes without saying a word at all. When your world seems upside down and nothing is going right...its good to seek out a friend that will understand without an explanation or question.
I think those "daily" kind of friends are great too. I remember so many great folks that I worked with in my classroom as we shared frustrations, irritations and even laughs together. Those are the folks that know when you don't feel well, when your child is having a hard time in their life, that sew up a Halloween costume when they know a young mother is overwhelmed and running out of time...it is the friend that knows what you like to drink in summer or winter and picks one up when they stop on the way to work to get theirs too. Daily friends know your peculiar eating habits, even when they are directly opposite their own; they listen...REALLY listen when you talk about your frustration about money and jobs and ex-husbands. Daily friends are the ones that know the names of all of your relatives although they may have never met them. Daily friends are your strongest cheerleaders and toughest critics.

I love it when a friend grows comfortable enough in your relationship to know when you need space or when you need to be surrounded by love and caring. They know when you need a hug...or when to help you in a fictional plot to get rid of someone that has been unfair. and I think some of them really WOULD help with that!

It is important to realize a couple of things too. One is that you really have to be a good friend in order to have and keep friends. It sounds "old" to say that but it is true. Your real friends are forgiving, but if you ARE a friend then they don't have to be forgiving. Being a friend forever (BFF like they say in junior high) means standing up and doing what is right even when everyone around you thinks your actions are crazy....but your friend is counting on you to be true to yourself.
I'm so thankful to have known so many friends in my life...

Once a month blogging...

I really am going to make an effort to blog more often. It seems that I have been so busy and then SO tired that I don't even think about it. But if I don't blog, then I miss out on keeping some sort of journal about my life....even if just for me.
I won't try to back up. I'm just going to start back with today.
I'm still in my pajamas. Good feeling for sure. My first client isn't until 1:00 today, so I took the time to work at clearing my desk off. Two hours later and it doesn't look like I've moved a thing! Of course, I was on Google Chat with Rachel about the wedding plans and that may have taken more than a minute or two (or more). October 1st is around the corner and we are getting so excited about it!
It is hot as blazes these days in the River Valley. Temperatures run close to 100 degrees most days and the humidity is out of this world. I find myself running from one place with air conditioning to the next.
I'm really loving my new job. It seems that the last two weeks I have found my private practice taking off as well. All of that paperwork to get on the insurance panels is finally paying off. What a pain in the neck all of that is! Some therapists only accept cash so they don't have to deal with insurance companies. I don't have that luxury being the new kid on the block.
Steve and I have decided to put our house on the market. I know...we've only been here since November, but a lot has changed since then. The job change for me being the biggest one of all. He has missed living closer to work ever since we moved. So we are looking at houses back in Fort Smith. Steve promised me he'd send me to New Hampshire when its moving time...and I may hold him to it. I think that was part of his plan of bribery to get me to move again. Like most people, I really hate to move. This time should be easier than last since we cleaned out and cleared out so much.
I used to love summers when I was teaching. Not so much now. Great memories of taking the kids on vacations or to Eastgate pool to swim each day. They were like little ducks.
Time to go get busy for now. I will be back soon...I promise.

Too tired to post....

Things have been particularly exhausting lately. Life has been going on and I haven't been posting. I'm not sure if it is the heat or the juggling of jobs. I'm just tired. It was 100 degrees today in Fort Smith/Van Buren. That is just too hot for June. I can only imagine what is ahead of us. I had the delight to observe preschoolers at one of our Bost facilities on Friday morning as they beat the heat. They were all in their swimsuits outside in under shade trees, running and playing in sprinklers as well as this giant purple seal that was hooked up to a hose with the water spraying from it's mouth. I wanted to join them, quite frankly. I also voted to not even TRY to pull any of them away for therapy that day. It just wouldn't have worked.
I've been feeling sorry for myself because I had thought my neuropathy had spread to my left arm, since it was causing so much pain and had become basically worthless. After finally going to the doctor, I found I had tennis elbow. Since there is a "D" on my transcript in tennis, it is highly unlikely that I got it doing so. It could have been any number of strange things, such as holding the weedeater to trim the yard or even typing as much as I do. So, I have medicated patches, some anti-inflammatory to take and an elbow brace. (which, by the way, feels like thermal underwear in 100 degree heat) I am relieved, however, that it is short term and that I now know what it is!!!
And finally, I realized that I have not written about the miraculous return of Koko. After being gone for five days and our hopes of locating pretty much gone, she came back! We had left the back gate open with her bed on the front porch in case she was looking for home and could smell it. Her sense of smell is about the strongest sense she has left. We thought we had heard her bark a time or two, but when we would run around the block, could not find her. When I came home that day of her return, I had started walking to the mailbox when I heard her bark in the distance as we had over the last few days. I declared I had totally lost my marbles and went on to the mailbox. As I opened the trunk to get my bag out, I heard the bark again. Only this time it was REALLY loud and I realized (and screamed at the same time) that it was coming from our own backyard!!! It had rained all day, so when I ran around I saw her standing there soaking wet and looking as if she had lost some weight. I was so happy as I hysterically sobbed. My neighbor had been working next door in his yard, heard my cries and ran over because he "wasn't sure if that was a happy cry or scared one." Definitely happy.
Koko slept a lot the first few days. I believe Zoie was even happy to see her return.
Quite frankly, I decided that it was a sign that things are going to get better. I mean really...how many times does a 13 year old dog stay gone for 5 days and return home unharmed?
It's definitely a sign.

The Tale of An Old Dog

Koko when she was still all black and "puppy sized".
And below, a photo taken in October 2009.

It is the time for me to write a blog about Koko. I guess when you have had a dog around for 13 years, you just assume they will always be around. I'm not saying that she is definitely gone for good right now, but she has been gone for an entire day now and that is unheard of. She has really never been "out on her own" at all. Sometimes she would get off of her leash and run as fast as she could or escape from the backyard through the garage like she did today.

It's so funny, isn't it, how you replay those moments, seconds really, when things happen. Steve and I had been outside working in the yard. I went in and Koko was doing her dance of joy, eager to get outside. Only this time when I opened the back door, she was hesitant and moved slowly. She does that sometimes when she knows that we are not really going anywhere. As I walked back through the house I remembered I had opened the door to the backyard from the garage to let the air cool off the garage while Steve was working out there. I went out to close it to keep Koko in the backyard, but she had already found her way out. She was always quick about that!

She set about peeing on the grass out front and I told Steve "You KNOW she would have to do that out here where we are trying to get grass to grow!" We spotted some wasps and Steve started spraying them. I stepped over to the grassy area where Koko was, reached down and patted her and told her to stay with us. Then I spotted another wasp on Connie's car (which was parked at our house since she was having a garage sale). Steve came around the car and started spraying and killed the wasp.
This was very important since I'm extremely allergic to wasps!!

When the siege was over with the wasp, one of us (not sure who noticed first) asked where was Koko. It had been a total of only minutes since I had patted her. I ran around the neighbor's house to see her, as had happened once before, but she was nowhere to be seen.
Greg came out of the house to leave for Fayetteville and found us both frantically looking for Koko. He took his car and went one way and I went the other, with Steve looking in the wooded area near our home.

She was just simply gone. Vanished.
I just couldn't believe it.
The rest of the day we continued to circle the neighborhood in my car on Steve on his bike. Nothing.
I made posters with her photo and our number and taped them to stop signs and light poles. But no one called.
I called the Van Buren Police Dept and their Animal Warden came out to get a description of Koko and all. He was very kind (which is what we needed at that point) and said basically that we are dealing with a 91 year old woman who is deaf and has cataracts...who may even have dementia. He told us that dogs are like pack animals, always choosing to leave the pack when it is their time to go. I know that may be true, but it is so hard to believe that this dog who could still be so active was ready to die.

Steve and I had talked in recent months, as she was sleeping more and not even hearing him get up to leave in the mornings, that her time could be near. We were both pretty much prepared to have her just "go to sleep and not wake up." I thought we might come home from work some afternoon and find her curled up in the bed Steve had made for her on the patio to take her final blissful breath. She LOVED the new backyard with the privacy fence. I think she felt safe and that this was finally her domain. The covered patio provided shelter during the day from the sun or rain and she spent most of her days just sleeping. I would tell her most every morning when I let her outside for the day as I left for work that I was jealous of her getting to sleep and eat all day long. She would look at me with those "knowing eyes" and sometimes I think I'd see her just knod her head.

I woke up several times last night thinking I could hear her nails clicking on the tile as she would make her was around the house. She never forgot that she was due a little treat after every meal and after coming in from outside. Every time.
But it was not her.
I had put her bed on the front porch in case she passed by during the night, but when I got up this morning she was not in it.

That funny, quirky little black dog with the hair that shed constantly and the bark that could wake someone from a deep sleep is gone from our lives.
It's funny what our pets bring out in all of us. Different things, really. They can be funny and frustrating, smarter than we think and can clear out a room with gas that doesn't even wake them from their nap.

Koko was Mary Beth's birthday wish when she was about in the 5th grade. She cried happy tears when she saw her because all she had wanted was a puppy. Steve and I had picked her out at the Humane Society from a litter of siblings because she just immediately relaxed in his arms. She was a mutt, but one of the smartest dogs I've ever known. The easiest to housebreak for sure. When Mary Beth went off to college, Steve and I took over duties with Koko even through the sale of the house last fall, the move to the hotel for 6 weeks and the move to our new home.

And she was home here. She would sit out in the yard or even the corner of the patio and just stare out in the yard...just like a 91 year old woman might do.
Her black hair had given way to a lot of gray in the last year. I think this last year has brought out a lot of gray in mine as well.

She will be missed.

I have to think that someone picked her up, although if that were really true they would have likely returned her by now. The alternative is just too hard to digest.

It became apparent late last night that she might just not be finding her way home.

Or maybe she did.

Paul's Bakery is a conspiracy

It occurred to me this afternoon as I left Fort Smith for home that it would be "nice" to take Greg some cookies from our favorite bakery to help make it through FINALS WEEK. I'm not sure now if the cookies were so much for him or for the fact that Steve and I have been on a diet and I haven't had anything sweet in days! I'm pretty sure that the motive was all about me by the time I pulled off the interstate and headed into downtown Van Buren. I had the top down on the car and had enjoyed getting to leave work before dark for a change today. It was this free loving easy-going spirit that led me to the bakery. I had no intention of eating any of them. Not really at first. On the way home, the wind blew the corner of the box open (I swear that's how it happened) and before I knew it there was an iced cookie in my hand with a bite out of it!!!
I fastened the box back up so Steve wouldn't suspect that I'd had conspirators after me and they held me down on the way home, forcing me to eat a cookie.
I had even gotten him one of his favorite pastries for his breakfast tomorrow...an effort to throw him off from the icing on my face.
I did pretty well until after dinner when I brought the cookies in for a moment of "putting them into something other than the box to keep them fresh." That sounded like a plan. While placing them neatly in the giant ziploc bag, I ate another one.
Finding this humorous, I decided to take a photo and post it on my blog. After the photo, I needed to eat one more so they would all fit in the bag. Oh dear.

And these would be the TWO exercise DVD's that I bought a couple of months ago that are still in the cellophane wrapper. Not losing weight using those yet!!!

But now I've pretty much made myself ill over the cookies so they aren't nearly as appealing as they were earlier tonight. I think Greg will get the rest of them and maybe get energized to finish his projects and papers.

Below are some photos I took when Jon and Mary Beth came over for brunch on Easter. Here's their dogs, Goose and Maverick...I can't always tell them apart, but they are totally different personalities.

Here's some of the azaleas in bloom outside of our house. We just planted 32 new ones in the back....photos from those next year!

It's always something, isn't it?

My hut's on fire...so where's the ship???

Since I am sure that both of my readers of my blog will find it disturbing, alas, I plan to close this post with a short story that a friend sent me today.
This has been a long couple of weeks for me. Are you all getting tired of me complaining yet? I cannot recall ever being so tired for so long and feeling that things are never going to change. And yet I know that they will. They simply have to. Yes, I know that I'm not going through the great depression or a fire that has taken everything we own....I think that I'm just still trying to adjust to having everything change so quickly against my will and being powerless to change it.
I'm tired and tomorrow is Good Friday. The schools are out, but I'm working. So are a lot of other people...I know that. Just not feeling like celebrating much tonight. Just sayin'. I'm waiting for my ship....read on.

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.
Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to store his few possessions. One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, 'God! How could you do this to me?'
Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! 'How did you know I was here?' asked the weary man of his rescuers.
'We saw your smoke signal,' they replied.

The Moral of This Story:
It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering.
Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to
the ground. It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.

Snow, Gardens and Monday

Koko just LOVES being outdoors now in the new house. She refuses to come in a lot of times!

Here's a look at the wrought iron dragon flies Mary Beth and Jon gave me for my birthday. Didn't want to put them up at the old house since we were selling it and then winter hit (see photo below!) so we just got them up today. I love them!

A photo of the two inches of snow we got...Fort Smith got tons of snow...a record of like 14.5" !

Dirt Therapy should be taught in grad school. Good for the soul!

Steve with the tiller working out the new vegetable garden. He is loving it.

Arkansas being as it is has shown us the full range of weather over the last week. I will post some photos later to go with this, but it has been bizarre to say the least. Last week, Steve was using the tiller to break up the ground for a new vegetable garden. I had the top down on the car most days last week. Then Saturday and Sunday it snowed. A lot. We got the least amount in our area, but Fayetteville got about 14 inches!!! We only got 2-3 inches, but the roads were never bad here in Van Buren. It's true what they say about Arkansas...if you don't like the weather today just stick around until tomorrow.
Steve is very excited about his future vegetable garden. He has carefully planned it all, added fertilizer and lime and getting it all ready for planting. Of course, he has to wait for the last snow of the year!!! I'm excited about the vegetables, but even more for planting some flowers around the house. There wasn't much here and I know I won't begin to complete it all this year. But I will try!
And Monday. What do you say about Monday? I've been taking my allergy medicine at night and sleeping better recently. Last night, however, I could NOT get to sleep and saw the clock at 2,3,4 and 5. Of course, I was snoozing pretty good when it was time to get up!! Then I went into the bathroom and saw my allergy medicine on the counter...I forgot to take it! Got dressed and took off for work only to discover I had left my gorgeous salad at home in the refrigerator!! I also left my memory stick in my laptop on my desk. ARGH!

I arrive at staffing to hear everyone complaining about last night's passage of the healthcare bill. I've looked at it and while I may not agree with every point, I am not worried. Do people really think that we haven't been paying for other's insurance already? I just think we needed change and that is what we are getting. May not be perfect, but maybe it is a start. I trust our president. Heaven help us all if we cannot do that. One girl remarked that "life as we have known it is over." Really? Another said she actually cried when she heard the news. Not sure what I'm missing here. I was glad when staffing was over.
Back to back clients and no lunch, of course, to break it up. A difficult grandparent...shouldn't that be an oxymoron??? Finished up this afternoon just in time for a visit by our director of mental health. Apparently the young man that will not be named, that hit me in the jaw a few years ago causing numerous surgeries, well, his parents discovered I am working for the agency that he does work for with supervision. She had "concerns." Are you kidding me? SHE had concerns? Does she really think that I would make a point to run into him? At least my director was understanding!!
Then I got out to my car just in time to catch most of the 5:30 traffic leaving Fort Smith and checked my voicemail. One message was from my previous employer that shall NOT be named stating I had marked an incorrect date on a document in January and needed to come by and fix it. I know I HAVE to do that, but really....are you kidding me???? The state of mind I was in during January, it is surprising that there were not tons of errors!
Then, for a little more disruption in my lovely afternoon, I stopped at Walmart on the way home.
Enough said. Monday go away.

You gotta love weekends

It is Sunday morning and I have some work to do but am procrastinating (I know, what a shocker) and just decided to be a bit lazy this morning. Realized I haven't posted in over a week, which is very unusual for me. It has been a hectic time recently. As I have mentioned in earlier posts, keeping up with schedules for three different job locations has taken a lot of energy. I've only had one mistake in 6 weeks where I had written in an appointment on the wrong time. I was able to run and meet with the client just in the nick of time! I've really made efforts to not make THAT mistake again!
I've been working 4 days a week at one location (B) and one day a week at location (A) and then working at my private practice every day after 4:30. That gets crazy! Then last week (A) decided I needed to complete a two day training seminar that is required of all of their therapists. The location was out in the wilderness. No joke.
I left Wednesday afternoon, went through Fayetteville and met Gregory on campus. We enjoyed eating together at Panera Bread before I took off for the hills of Arkansas. As I left Fayetteville, the RAIN started. And of course it had gotten dark. I'm not talking about a light sprinkle....I'm talking SERIOUS MONSOON kind of rain. My eyes were so tired by the time I pulled into Harrison that I stopped for a few minutes at Walmart. Walked around for a bit, picked up a couple of magazines and then I was off again. This is where this story becomes like a Stephen King novel. The wind was howling and rain was coming from every direction. I had no idea that there was a tornado warning out for Pocahontas...and they later had one touch down! I could barely see the road because in Arkansas the two lane highways have lines painted when the road is paved and then forever forgotten. No lines. Occasionally I would get behind a random pickup truck that actually helped because I could see where they were going! The lightning was flashing all around me. When the lightning would light up the sky, you could see that there was huge blackness with the lightning very close to the ground. Once I thought I had a policeman following me with his lights going only to realize that it was the lightning.
While driving in a flood that could have prepared Noah for loading the animals in the Ark, I discovered that my left knee was wet. I thought perhaps it was rain on the door from when I had gotten out in Harrison....but no. My car was leaking!!!! Right there on the left corner where the convertible connects to the windshield!!! In three years it had never done that!
I realized the rain was getting harder and started seeing small bits of hail mixed in, so I pulled over at one of the few service stations that was open and had a cover over their gas pumps. And the hail began. Round one anyway. After it started to lighten up, I thought it was time to get back on the incredible journey, but knew I should take advantage of the restroom facilities there first. Anyone that knows me, knows that I am not apprehensive in most situations and usually feel comfortable to tackle almost anything. But as I walked into the convenience store that night, the two men working there were the only people in the place. I have to say that the hair on the back of my neck was standing up and I hurried to get out of there as fast as I could.
More rain. More drips on my leg. More lightning. Was this night ever going to end? As I got closer to Pocahontas, I realized it was beginning to hail again. Round two. I spotted a Citgo station that was closed, but had a nice overhang...with three other vehicles already parked under it. One had a trailer with a motorcycle on it. The owner had been on his motorcycle in the hail and had gotten hit on his lip actually!
Long journey finally ended about 12:30am when I arrived at my hotel. I was both exhausted and wired up, but was able to fall asleep quickly.
I met three other amazing therapists going through the same training. We bonded very quickly and started comparing our stories. That was the best part of the two days!
After much consideration, it has become apparently clear that I need to cut down the confusion in my life to one job and my practice. So, (B) wins out. I'm giving my notice to (A) tomorrow.
On the way home by a different route (I'm NOT stupid!) I realized I would be passing close to mom and dad's house, so I called them and they agreed to meet me at Ryan's Restaurant in Searcy. Talk about a huge buffet! It was so great to visit with them. I think they enjoyed doing something spontaneous too!
Arrived home around 11:00 Friday night and I don't think I've totally recovered yet. It's really hell to be old and your body just doesn't act like it once did!
Today I'm thankful for many things, even in the midst of job craziness....like my Steve, dinner with my favorite son, random new friendships, spontaneous dinner with my folks, a microwave that is installed after three months, a paycheck, texting, cellphones, email and Skype, and today especially I'm thankful for Sundays.