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Tonight I can't sleep again.  It seems to be a vicious cycle these days of taking pain medicine, crashing and then waking and being unable to sleep when everyone else in the house is sleeping.  Even Zoie snores now...which I find slightly irritating.  She gets to eat and sleep all day.  I will definitely come back in my next life as her.  We have had a tiny mouse in the house over the weekend and I don't think she had a clue what to do about it.  She was AWARE of it, but it ended with that.
I stayed home form work today to try to get myself pulled together and get some work done at home.  I am fortunate to work for a company that tries to work with its employees if they are trying to get their work done.  And I am definitely trying to do that!
Everyone has made it back safely to their homes:  Rachel from California, Mary Beth from New York City and Greg from Nashville.  I made it from the couch to the computer this week.  haha.  They always seem to love to go so much and I can't blame them.  They will all have funny tales to share with us when we get together in just a bit over a week now for Rachel and Chris' Arkansas Reception.
I still have some arrangements to make and actually DID try to take care of some of that by phone today, but apparently most of the civilized world is closed on Mondays after Thanksgiving.  Will try again tomorrow.  I hope we have a good turnout.  You never know about these things.  I'm sure there will be a ton of folks that show up and haven't returned their RSVP card.  I've been guilty of that in the past but not since I've had daughters getting married!
Steve's 91 year old mom is flying from Peoria, IL for the event and is feeling apprehensive with so much in the news about the scanning and all.  I copied (in large print) several things tonight and will mail them tomorrow that will hopefully make her feel better.  I also arranged for a wheelchair to be at each arrival to take her to her next gate to save her from walking so much.  That makes me feel better at least.
Steve has been doing most of the decorating for Christmas.  I think he is hiding boxes in the attic and not mentioning them because he knows I can't get up there this year to dig things out!  haha!
It will be wonderful if no one but our immediate families show up.  It is a busy time of year but I think there will be many people that will be able to come celebrate the wedding of these two.
Hoping I'm off my crutches by then...may be hard to boogie with crutches!

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat!

As I lay on the couch most of the weekend, with my sore knee hanging on the back of the couch to reduce the God-awful swelling, I had some time to think about the holidays coming up.  Hard to imagine that in just 3 weeks, we will be having Rachel and Chris' Arkansas Wedding Reception!  I hope everyone that wants to be there can be.  Things are coming together, but I haven't really felt like doing what I would normally be doing at this point.  Not even sure what that is, but it just seems like getting the invitations out was so HUGE and now I'm taking a breath!

It has been fun seeing the RSVP card return, some with fun notes on them.  Rachel was surprised the other day to go to Crate and Barrel to pick up some of the things on her registry, only to discover that they had recently been purchased as gifts and would be delivered soon!  Surprises are just so much fun.  I've always loved them and it seems that my girls love them as much as I do.

Steve has been a saint this weekend, getting out the Christmas decorations and putting out the lights on the shrubs outdoors.  We keep going back and forth about what decorations to use and which ones to leave in the attic.  Quite frankly, I would use every stinking thing I own if it were left up to me!  Yes, I have WAY too many Christmas decorations, but it has always been my very favorite time of the year so I have a hard time saying no to new decorations and all.  It was REALLY bad when I worked at Michaels, where I had first dibs on all sale items.  There are some things I will never have to replace in my lifetime!!!

Christmas will be different this year, but I am determined to keep it positive!  With the 6 day visit around the reception, Chris and Rachel won't be able to return for the actual Christmas holiday.  It makes sense, of course, but it is just one more of those things I hate about the miles between uas.  I think Steve and I decided today that we are going to wait and ship their gifts to them instead of having them open them when they are here...we just like the idea of them getting up on Christmas morning and having gifts to open from us!  They are all growing up on me and I know times are changing.  So, we are just going to adjust, be happy for the times we have together and make those visits meaningful.  

No bah, humbug for me this year!  I plan to embrace the holiday and breathe it in and enjoy it all!  Even though I need to go on a diet to lose this "sitting all the time to nurse my knee and therefore not getting any exercise at all and THEREFORE putting on weight" kind of thing going on here.  When something is pretty much out of our hands, it is just out of our hands.  So I will nurse my knee and pray for the days when Steve and I can again walk our neighborhood for exercise.  I really thought the pain would be reduced after surgery, but the recovery part is painful too I'm learning!!!!

So, turn up the Christmas music and put up the decorations...let the season begin!  I'm ready for it!!!

The Universe.

Sometimes I become aware of things around me that are not just incidental...but seem to happen with reason.

I subscribe to a daily little "picker upper" that Rachel turned me on to a while back @ www.tut.com.   It refers to itself as The Universe and gives you a bit of inspiration for the day ahead.  

Sometimes it comes into my inbox and I wonder what in the world it means.  Other times, I wonder if Big Brother is really watching over my shoulder and seems to know me a little too well!

Today was one of those mornings.  At 3am (yes, I was once again awake), this is the message:

"Well, actually, Dianne, you were different.

You didn't want a perfect life, a typical life, or even a normal life.

You wanted a one-of-a-kind."

And that is the truth!!!   So, where are the spy cameras, I'm wondering!!!  There are times when I have wished that my life looked more like someone else's life, but most of the time I'm very happy with my one-of-a-kind family, one-of-a-kind personality, one-of-a-kind history.....well, you get the picture.  

Thank you Universe for bringing that to my attention!

In the middle of the night...

Once again I've been up since around 3:00 am.  I've always had issues with sleeping through the night, but since the "knee" incident, it has been worse than ever. 

Funny what you think about at this hour of the morning.  I have never been a morning person and I seriously doubt that is about to change at this point in my life.  I have started recording some things that I can watch in the middle of the night that may/may not help me fall back asleep.  Shows such as "Dancing with the Stars" has proven to be a real snoozer. You wouldn't think so with all of the music and all...but it is.  I watch a lot of "Lifetime" type of movies.  I LOVE the Netflix instant viewing that is available.  Many good movies and television series are on there to chose from.  I've discovered many shows that were often cancelled after just one season.  Many af them are delightful!  Not at all what you might think.

I love walking through the house when everyone, including Zoie and Koko, are asleep. Zoie has started snoring recently...too funny.  It is so peaceful here. With the house on the market now, I try to not get sentimental about it.  You'd think that would be easy since we have only lived here one year. I think it is just that SO much has happened in that one year!  

All of these random thoughts could be linked to the pain medication they have given me since my knee surgery last Thursday.  I have wondered what the big fuss has been over the medication, Oxycodone, because it has really not proven to be much of a relief for pain.  But it dulls it some so I take it.  

Life is good right now.  Even with the knee problem and all.  I am trying to take deep breaths and soak it in.  I may need those good thoughts to get through tomorrow!

And so it goes...

Early morning and I'm ready to go in for my knee surgery.  

Been through many surgeries before for various body parts, but never a knee.

Dread the search with the IV needle for that "perfect" vein that doesn't roll.  ugh.

Leaving the house without makeup...that doesn't happen often for sure.

Steve cooked himself breakfast without thinking how good it smells to me.  And of course, I can't eat a thing.  Grounds for divorce, maybe?  Bless his heart...

Tying up loose ends as if I'm never returning.  But I am.  

These loose ends will be here tomorrow.

Deep breath and off we go...

I've been through this before and I will make it today.

Catching up...

 Why I feel compelled to put dot, dot, dot after lots that I write, especially titles of blogs, I don't know.  If I ever figure it out, I will let you know.  I have some catching up to do from the last few months so I thought I should get started.  I am having my knee surgery in the morning and when I get anxious, I often decide to do all of those things that I have "meant" to do recently.  

These photos are of the Alabama vs. Arkansas game in Fayetteville.  Bryan Grizzle and Greg decided to hang out with us that day and tailgate.  They got there super early to save us a terrific spot.   Looked like we were going to win this game against the number one team, but they pulled a win over on us at the end.  I went to Jon and Mary Beth's tailgate spot to watch the game on the tv they had going.  The knee just wasn't ready to sit in the bent position for several hours!  Torn miniscus...bummer.  See, there they go again!

Bryan Grizzle and Greg got up extra early to save us a tailgating spot the morning of the Alabama game.  So much fun!  Of course, I was already packing my leg on ice because of the swelling.  Ugh...will all be over soon!

The last of our children going to school at the University of Arkansas.  Greg is in his first semester of graduate school.    Hard to believe how grown up he is!

Relaxing with Bryan while we wait for lunch to cook on the grill.  I feel like he is one of mine, actually.  He's been a part of Greg's buddy list since they were in elementary school.

Steve, the cook, and head Razorback fan!

Three of my favorite boys sharing a laugh before the game.

The Goodyear blimp even showed up for the Alabama game that day.

Only for those with a strong stomach...

It had been a quiet evening in the Baer household.  I got home from work around 6:45 after a pretty busy, but good day.  Steve had made supper of grilled shrimp and rice.  Man, it was yummy!!!

Our favorite thing to do after we clean up the kitchen is to watch some television shows that we have recorded on the DVR.  Of course, I have my favorites that I save until the middle of the night when I get up and can't go back to sleep.  Nothing will put you back to sleep like Dancing With the Stars....believe me!  I don't know what it is about that show, but I am usually out in minutes!  

We watched Survivor together on the couch with Koko in her favorite spot on the floor at our feet.  It was turning out to be a great night.  I had planned to go work a bit on files when Steve said he thought he might get a snack..."something sweet" as he says.  Well, of course, I was up for that!!!  He suggested we open one of our favorites, which is this brand of Kettlecorn.  Ask anyone you know....I can rarely walk past popcorn or kettlecorn ANYWHERE without having some of it.  I admire people that can go to movies without buying some.  Wish I could, but alas I can't.    I grabbed a Diet Dr. Pepper and used scissors to open the bag just a little and we settled back on the couch.

Modern Family was up next.  We love that show!  We were laughing and enjoying the show.

As we began to eat, I noticed two times that I felt like I had gotten a hair on my mouth.  You know how your fingers get sticky with kettlecorn, so I thought it was just another thing that I had done and not noticed.  Then Steve asked me if I had gotten any hair on my mouth while eating the kettlecorn....as he was holding up a piece that was like two popped kernels stuck together.

I hopped up and turned on the overhead light and we saw THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right folks....hair.  And it is so obviously NOT my brown hair (well, the brown hair from the bottle) and Steve doesn't have much hair, so I know it isn't his!  It was a new bag so it didn't come from our house.  

We nearly died.  Both of us.  Gag.  That will teach us to watch tv with the lights off.

And yes, I've already emailed the company.

End of story.....cause you know it's always something.

There's some weird folks out there, kid!

Two postings in a row...that has to be a recent record for me!  I hope to add photos soon...once again.  I need to change my photos over to my new computer.  I went with a Mac All In One this time.  It is amazing.  Just as I've heard.  I love the giant screen on my desk, considering how I can't find my way out of a hallway without my glasses any longer.  

So, I've made a renewed vow to get back to writing on my blog.  It really IS good therapy.  I think I should be doing what I tell my patients to do, don't you?  This is totally unrelated, but I heard an excellent quote from a young woman tonight in therapy when talking about being in a relationship that is not good for you.  She said "He tells me wonderful things that I like to hear about myself....like I'm pretty, I smell good, I dance good, your clothes fit you great....so WHY can't I just tell those things to myself?   I thought that was absolutely AWESOME!!!!  

I was really having another pretty good day today.  That is, until late this afternoon when I got a call from the secretary at the private practice.  She had a patient in the office who said he had an appt with me.  I double checked my book and I didn't have anything at that time.  I had never heard of his name.  She put him on the phone with me and I asked him what he thought he needed.  He told me he had spoken to me this morning (he had not) and he needed to see me because he wanted to know what happens when someone dies....like their "body from the casket to where"?  He continued to ramble on and sounded more and more "out there".  He sounded either on something or in desperate need of some help.  I just felt that I needed to get him out of the office...and that was difficult to do since I was completely across town!   I suggested that he check about his insurance and call me back.  He told me he didn't go to any church, after I suggested he might want to speak to his pastor.  After he hung up I called the police to check on things.  I found out later that he didn't leave immediately but finally left on his own before the police arrived.  They took his description and we don't know what happened after that.

Left all of us with a very uneasy feeling.  Reminds us to be more cautious...an office with three women, two that stay after dark most nights.  In downtown Fort Smith, no less.  

So, when you get that creepy feeling on the back of your neck you listen.  Thank goodness it all ended well today, but things happen.  And it is just a good reminder that we are only human and need to wake up and be aware of what is going on around us.

It's always something!!!

Today was a good, good day

You know how you almost hate to say anything when things are going well or you feel good or something like that? Today was one of those good days. For real. I made sure that I told Steve and my children that it was. I feel like that is important since I spend so much of my waking life complaining and griping about this and that.

Way too much this and that.

It's kind of funny really. I spend my work days now analyzing, diagnosing, looking into feelings and emotions that have an impact on the lives of my clients. And yet, I rarely seem to take time to do it myself. Maybe I just don't want to.

So, as I was driving home this afternoon (before dark for the first time in weeks) I thought about what a good day it had been and wondered why.

Was it that I actually slept all night last night?

Was it that I feel myself getting caught up with paperwork?

Is it because last Friday was pay day and I can quit holding my breath after "wedding month"?

Is it that my children are all happy and healthy? For that matter, is it that my entire family is healthier than me right now? (that includes my parents that are both in their 80's)

Is it that I just had a relaxing weekend with Steve, nursing my leg and actually having moments free of pain?

Was it that I was able to get myself more organized today than I've been in weeks?

Who knows? It just was. I embrace it, love it and wish for a return very soon.