Doesn't it seem like there are periods of time where the events that occur seem to be sending you a message? Sometimes I realize this and just wonder how many times messages were profoundly placed in front of me and I missed them. For whatever reason, I missed them.
Steve's mom often says that it seems like people these days are so busy "making a living" that they have forgotten how to live. How right she is.
One of my brothers' longtime friends died in his garden with a heart attack yesterday and once again, we are all brought face to face with this thing called death.
It seems that death comes in bunches and then goes away to other families and friends for a while, making us think that perhaps it has forgotten about us. But that is just not how it is. It will be back.
I've really begun to think about the people in my life and hoping that I have said and done all that I would want to say and do. I want to be prepared should anything happen to them, but also I want them to be prepared if anything happens to me.
Since my baby died so long ago, I think I've always viewed Death a bit differently from other people. I used to be scared to think about it, but not so much any more. As each year passed after his death, I would look around and see children that would be his age and wish he were here. When I was in the school cafeteria years ago and suddenly had a panic attack, I had to really think through it to realize that I was thinking of my son who would be preparing for his prom and graduation, just like the students there that day.
One of the oddest, but most meaningful dreams I've ever had (and those close to me know I've had PLENTY!) was after Steve's dear father, Jim, had passed away. One night I dreamed that he was talking to me and teasing me because I had sent him to check on my "baby" and he slapped his leg, as he often did, and said "he's not a baby anymore, he's a young man!"
That one dream made me feel better about the loss of both of them. Comforting, somehow.
I guess we don't really have an idea about what happens exactly when we die, except those with religious beliefs hope that we go to heaven. That would be my choice, although there is some concern that I will have to talk my way in!
I think it serves as a time for reflection and deep thought about what we can do to improve our own lives, how we live them daily, the choices we make and the impact we have on others. There's a poem written by Erma Bombeck, when she was diagnosed with cancer, that I love.
It really says it all.
If I Had My Life To Live Over
If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.
"There would have been more "I love you's"..
More "I'm sorrys" ...
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...
look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.
© Erma Bombeck
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