Just a few thoughts this morning about life in general, all of the recent changes that are going on and just basically how I'm doing with it all!
It is some form of cosmic predestination that we often end up in situations that we just never thought we'd find ourselves. I think when I was younger it would have been a better plan to set more short term goals and not try to visualize what my life would be like later on...like now! It seems that they say to "never say never" and that is really a true statement.
Because my blog is a public forum, I continue to be cautious about what I say regarding certain people and even past employment, but I feel compelled to document the impact that all of this has had on my life. Because it has been major. Very.
While my strong will and determined personality have served me well in most situations in life, I have learned (the hard way, of course) that it is also that same trait that makes me determined to find truth and fairness in everything I'm connected with. Some people do not want to find truth and fairness and find anyone doing so to be a threat. I find it quite hilarious to think of myself as a threat to anyone, but when I look back on the last 40 years it seems that some interactions with people have ended because of that. And all the time, I'm determined that things be "right and true and fair" and all of that mumbo jumbo. People don't always want to hear that. For real. I have lost friends over the issues that I felt compelled to have a voice in. I have even lost a job that I loved because I felt the need to be right. As a leader in many positions that I've had over the years, I learned that it makes one an easy target for criticism, some was fair but most of it was not. While I consider myself to be a strong person, I was not blessed with a countenance that can accept criticism blindly and move on. Never have and likely never will. If I could, things would look quite differently today.
So today, I'm going to push aside the anxiety and caution that has taken over my body and soul in recent weeks and begin to try to move forward. I've made a mental list of the people and places that I've "ended badly" with and have decided to quit looking over my shoulder for them, waiting for another bomb to hit. I'm tired of that. And most likely they have moved on.
So I will too. At least one day soon. For now, I will breathe a deep sigh of relief that all that is really important in life is still with me. I felt it this weekend when Mary Beth gave me a special hug and said she was glad to see me doing well. I felt it when Greg came in at an ungodly hour early Sunday and pulled the throw blanket up over me as I slept on the couch, half awake but enough to feel the love of his touch. I felt it when talking on Skype to Rachel and watching her simply glow with excitement over her engagement and wedding plans. I feel it every day when Steve seems to know just when I need a hug and reassurance from him that it will all be okay.
Yes, when looking over my shoulder from now on, these are the only people I want to see.
No more ghosts for me.
It is some form of cosmic predestination that we often end up in situations that we just never thought we'd find ourselves. I think when I was younger it would have been a better plan to set more short term goals and not try to visualize what my life would be like later on...like now! It seems that they say to "never say never" and that is really a true statement.
Because my blog is a public forum, I continue to be cautious about what I say regarding certain people and even past employment, but I feel compelled to document the impact that all of this has had on my life. Because it has been major. Very.
While my strong will and determined personality have served me well in most situations in life, I have learned (the hard way, of course) that it is also that same trait that makes me determined to find truth and fairness in everything I'm connected with. Some people do not want to find truth and fairness and find anyone doing so to be a threat. I find it quite hilarious to think of myself as a threat to anyone, but when I look back on the last 40 years it seems that some interactions with people have ended because of that. And all the time, I'm determined that things be "right and true and fair" and all of that mumbo jumbo. People don't always want to hear that. For real. I have lost friends over the issues that I felt compelled to have a voice in. I have even lost a job that I loved because I felt the need to be right. As a leader in many positions that I've had over the years, I learned that it makes one an easy target for criticism, some was fair but most of it was not. While I consider myself to be a strong person, I was not blessed with a countenance that can accept criticism blindly and move on. Never have and likely never will. If I could, things would look quite differently today.
So today, I'm going to push aside the anxiety and caution that has taken over my body and soul in recent weeks and begin to try to move forward. I've made a mental list of the people and places that I've "ended badly" with and have decided to quit looking over my shoulder for them, waiting for another bomb to hit. I'm tired of that. And most likely they have moved on.
So I will too. At least one day soon. For now, I will breathe a deep sigh of relief that all that is really important in life is still with me. I felt it this weekend when Mary Beth gave me a special hug and said she was glad to see me doing well. I felt it when Greg came in at an ungodly hour early Sunday and pulled the throw blanket up over me as I slept on the couch, half awake but enough to feel the love of his touch. I felt it when talking on Skype to Rachel and watching her simply glow with excitement over her engagement and wedding plans. I feel it every day when Steve seems to know just when I need a hug and reassurance from him that it will all be okay.
Yes, when looking over my shoulder from now on, these are the only people I want to see.
No more ghosts for me.
1 comment:
I knew you would get there. Bravo!
Post a Comment