Tomorrow I will go once again to see Dr. Jones, my orthopedic surgeon/specialist for another set of facet injections into my lower spine for spinal stenosis. It used to be called "creeping paralysis" in the old days and people just thought people had it until they died. Not anymore, thank goodness! These steroid injections last for almost six months and then it is time for them again. I think the best way to describe them is to try to imagine having an elephant stand on your back for a few minutes, after you've been given a bit of valium so you don't care.
Steve goes with me, of course, and always loves to sit in the hallway and hear what private things I tell Dr. Jones and the nursing staff about...oh no, you can't even imagine! There are no secrets kept there! I think I even am shameless to tell Dr. Jones that I think he looked hot when he had his ponytail - oh well, at least, he laughs. I'm sure he's heard a little of everything with women under valium.
I will try not to complain. It could be worse. I'm just not big and brave like I would like to be. I could feel my tension rising today like an old enemy that you keep at bay but you know it is always there...just waiting.
When that starts, I find myself borrowing worries for everyone that I love...Rachel needs to come home from California before she is exposed to swine flu, another friend needs to have a baby because she would be SUCH a great mom and so WHY are so many girls at my school getting pregnant that don't want them????, and then there's the worry for a friend that had an argument with her fiance this morning and cried on the way to work and I've never seen this friend cry....she even had to stop at Target to get makeup to cover the mascara lines, and then I worry about my Dad who at 83 is still working at Walmart full time and is he happy with how his life has gone, I worry about my mother recently diagnosed with diabetes....how will she ever have self control to follow the diet and take care of herself when she is by herself so much of the time and I know she is not happy wherever she is and there is not much I can do about that, and I worry about so many of my clients that I try to help with their lives and some of them I help and some I don't seem to help at all and now summer is approaching and I will lose touch with so many. And there are the worries that I can't even put into writing in this blog because they are so private it would hurt the people I worry about.
I will be so glad when this procedure is over with....I don't do well with anxiety as you can tell.
It will be good to be able to walk again without pain though, so I will be brave and say hello to the elephant when he steps onto my back.
1 comment:
I hope it is not me that you are worrying about and can not write about. I am fine.
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