Father's Day

Today is Father's Day and I think it is appropriate to spend a bit here about my Dad. As I've grown up, our relationship has changed considerably, improved and turned into a common understanding with someone that you share so much with.

Richard Brown has worked hard all of his life. He grew up on a farm and likely has never known many days off from work in his almost 84 years of life on this earth. He was the youngest boy in a family full of children, the one I think was most like his father. His father's name was Paul and his mother was Georgia Lee. I always liked the name Georgia, but my mother would likely have disowned any child of mine that I named after her. I never really knew my Grandfather Brown; he passed away when I was one from a blood clot following a farm accident. I found out years later the accident occurred on our farm and realized how painful that must have been for a father who rarely showed his own emotional grief. My only memories of my Grandmother Brown are going over to her house to mow the lawn and play in her tree-filled yard with low branches. She had a couple of catalpa trees with the giant leaves and bean pods that made great make-believe tools. When I was in elementary school I would go over there frequently to play with my cousins, Lisa and Lana. She had a screened front porch with a swing that I loved. We would also have Christmas Eve gatherings in her tiny house, with all of her children and their families. It was a happy time for me, but who doesn't love Christmas memories? We grew up in the country, so everyone had party lines..in the days prior to cell phones. Each house had a certain "ring" but you could hear the rings from the other people on your party line. Apparently, Grandmother made it her job to listen in on most every conversation going on in our house, much to the annoyance of my older brothers and mother. I was too young to get any significant calls at the time. Can you imagine party lines today???

My Dad has always been very smart. He is a born pack rat and has never thrown away much at all, but he can literally fix anything. It may not "look" lovely when he is finished, since aesthetics have never held his interest...but function does, things usually worked. If he had been given the opportunity to go to college, the possibilities of what he could have accomplished would have been unlimited. They pretty much were anyway.

While growing up, he was the strict disciplinarian. I'm not sure where he was patterning his parenting skills from, but they weren't from Dr. Spock. Back then, parents didn't spare the spankings. Parents didn't fear being arrested if they swatted or slapped at their child. Dad had rules and then he had things that bothered the heck out of him...such as eye shadow (on me), short skirts (on me), boys that came to pick me up for a date, dirty air filters in the house, and laziness.

Dad grew up in a time of prejudice in eastern Arkansas. The entire community was segregated and many of the people there still use the "n" word...which Dad finally begin to leave out of his vocabulary.

Dad was always the "rock" for my mother and her family during the many years of illness and loss in her family. I recall going to funerals where he and other men would have to be there to "catch" some of my aunts (who were not light loads) as they fainted. He has never fussed about doctor's visits or buying medicine. He never complained about the cost of groceries or utilities. He just worked hard and kept working.

He is like a phoenix that rises up out of the ashes, it seems...or a cat with nine lives. I'm not sure which. Just when it looked like things were going down the tubes when they lost their farm, he decided he might sell cars. And sell cars he did...not in just a little way. In a town where he had grown up and knew most people or at least SOMEONE that they knew, he was a popular salesman and made a good living at it. He had a generous heart, however, and would believe in people's honesty just as he felt his own honesty was an important asset. People took advantage of this and would quit paying for cars that he had carried the loans for and on and on.

Dad's next venture was to work at Walmart. He was, I believe, just planning to sign on for a greeter but they discovered his vast knowledge of making repairs to cars (tractors) and he wound up in the Automotive Dept. as an assistant manager. I think he likely drives them crazy back there, with his often cantankerous attitude and wisecracks...but I don't think he is going anywhere. He proudly states that his "truck is in the parking lot pointed toward home" and he can go anytime. I think he would even make more money if he stayed home and could then draw more retirement benefits, but he chooses to keep working. It's no wonder that my brothers and I can do nothing, it seems, but work. It's one thing we know how to do.

I remember a few days after this last New Year's Day when I called to talk to him, he told me he had made a resolution to try to "piss off one person each day this year" and so far so good on that resolution, he proudly stated. Every time I say goodbye on the phone I remind him to be good and he immediately states that he won't be and that is no fun way to be.

As he has aged, he has mellowed. His sense of humor has come full bloom and there is a tenderness in Dad that was hidden from us when we were children, as he tried to be the man that everyone thought he should be. He had a lot on his shoulders. Many people depended on him and it was a big responsibility.

Dad will never be wealthy, never travel to countries abroad, never fly in a jet, never have a fancy wardrobe; he will never require much that most of us measure wealth and happiness by. He has been able to find contentment and to make the best of his life today as it is. Not too worried about tomorrow...just today. He jokes that he likes to keep having birthdays, when you consider what your options are. He is ultimately so proud of his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. He loves tv guide crossword puzzles and playing solitaire on the computer...yes for hours on end and by turning just one card over at a time, which I told him was cheating. He has lived a full and interesting life, loved his family and found peace with sadness and grief.

Many people say that I'm a lot like my father, with my wisecracking mouth and sense of humor. I hope that I am.